A Happy Marriage - Tips for Resolving Conflicts

The happiest of relationships are built on the bonds of shared interests, common values, affection, compatibility, mutual respect, admiration, and an appreciation for each other. fun times, humor, a satisfying sex life, and working on things together.

Relationships are complicated, people are complex, and life often gets in the way. The better able a couple is to resolve their conflicts, listen to each other’s feelings, take responsibility for their actions, and deal with the results of their circumstances, the better the chances the couple will stay together.

Love, shared dreams, and high expectations, make it easy to have a good marriage. But when difficulties arise, and negative feelings start to invade the relationship, the inevitability of conflict can put distance between the partners.

Communication and cooperation between both people in the relationship will help avoid the couples moving in a positive forward direction. When communication breaks down, resentment, stagnation, and alienation can result.

The best way to start to improve your relationship with your spouse is to work on yourself first, last, and always. Your relationship will absolutely change when you change your own behavior. By looking at the key areas you can work on with yourself, you will affect positive change. As much fault as you might find in your mate, and as much evidence you have against them for the wrongs they have committed, the reality is that you can not make someone else change. You can’t change their behavior, you can’t change their thinking, you can’t change their actions. When you change your behavior, your partner will react differently towards you, and in essence, you will be helping them change their own behavior.

Here are some tips to have a successful relationship:

• Express your needs - your partner can’t read your mind. When you speak up for yourself you are telling your spouse what you want, need and feel, in a kind and assertive way.. Wishing that your partner knows what you need, is pot luck. They might get it right, but they might not. This leaves both of you vulnerable to feeling unsatisfied.

• Don’t detach yourself emotionally if you are not happy with the situation. Sulking, withdrawing, being cold and distant will only lessen the interaction you have with each other. It is an unhealthy way to gain power in a marriage, and gain actually ruin a relationship. b

• Think positively. When you encounter a conflict. Learning how to settle disputes is a very important aspect of strengthening a relationship.

• Negotiate - by meeting your partner halfway when there are disputes you will learn to compromise. By standing in the shoes of your spouse you will learn greater empathy and more of an ability to understand where they are coming from.

• Unresolved emotional issues can turn into resentment and the relationship can become prone to a breakup.

Some important things to do:

• Only discuss issues when you are calm. If you lead by emotion, the situation will get more heated, more destructive. If you feel yourself being too emotional, tell your partner you need to take a break, and tell them you will come back to this issue to discuss it when your head is clearer.

• If your partner is getting too emotional, tell them to take a break and come back to it to discuss the issues when their head is clearer.

• Don’t bring up the past. Stay in the moment. Being a grievance collector is not helpful towards resolving the conflict at hand.

• No one is perfect. Having unrealistic expectations about your partner is unfair to them. You will be setting yourself up for disappointment. Focus on their positive traits and remember you are not perfect either.

• Just because you don’t agree with them, your differences don’t necessarily have to end the relationship. Learn to be accepting.

• Don’t try to win at all costs. Your partner is a human being with feelings and needs. If you stomp all over them, if you put them down, if you try to be the boss, you will make them feel like they are not enough. Preserving their ego, is a step in the right direction to having a committed and lasting relationship.

• Show your partner respect. Agree with them before you disagree. By telling them you hear them and understand what they are saying, you are validating them. Once they feel heard, they will be more willing to hear you.

• Admit when you are wrong. Try not to act defensively.

• Try to avoid criticizing. You can explain yourself, but you don’t have to put your partner down. Be gentle and kind. Try to avoid being contemptuous or complaining too much. Insults, sarcasm, and hostile humor will create long term damage and only make a relationship more difficult to deal with.

• Problem solve together. Listen, validate, and empathize with your partner’s feelings.

Relationships are never easy. There is no one way to be in love, to have discussions, to relate to each other. The best we can do is to understand each other, to make the best of the situations, and to have calm and clear headed discussions so that the relationship grows in a positive direction.