Jealovers: Jealousy - Domestic Violence and Abuse

Jealovers and Domestic Violence

Jealousy in Relationships and Abusive Behaviors that Lead to Domestic Violence

What is in this article?

• · abusive partners
• · what is jealousy
• · domestic violence and jealousy
• · irrational jealousy in men and women
• · how jealousy shows in the brain
• · studies on jealousy
• · coping with jealousy in positive ways
• · protect yourself against domestic violence

An abusive person will say that jealousy is love. A victim of a jealous partner will change their habits to avoid the threats, demands, and abuse that the jealous person unleashes on them. Women numbering in the thousands are victimized by domestic violence imposed by jealous men. Aggressive women control men who are afraid of their partners jealous outbursts should they be seen casually talking with another woman. Jealous rages drive people to kill their mates or drive them to desperation where they kill themselves. A case of jealousy can be mild and worked out through self help, communication or through therapy. Jealousy can also be a serious aspect of any relationship and must be looked at for what it means to the relationship, what they are doing to their partner and to the individual who feels this way.

Jealousy is a very powerful feeling that yields very negative results out of fear that love will be lost to another person, whether real or imagined. Romantic jealous is often the cause of domestic violence, abuse, and aggression aimed directly at their partner, not the perceived rival. Jealousy has been implicated as a key reason for divorce and as a predictor of domestic violence. The feelings of jealousy come from a variety of emotions and is directly tied to self esteem. Some people view jealousy as a sign of affection. Jealousy is jealousy, it is not a demonstration of love, nor are the controlling and abusive behaviors that go along with these feelings. An abusive partner will use jealousy as an excuse to control their partner’s behavior and gain power over the relationship. Domestic violence is a behavioral pattern of threats, abuse of any kind, including verbal, mental, financial, physical, emotional, psychological, and or physical abuse. Domestic violence very often escalates to actions that result in bodily or emotional injuries to the partner the abuser bestows their jealousy upon.

Jealous thoughts can turn to possessive and accusatory behavior in an attempt to isolate their mate. Through force or violence, they try to control the person as a way to resolve the situation to ease their own anxiety. When the first symptoms of jealousy show, it a sign to be aware, take caution, and be vigilant. Not every jealous person is an abuser, but knowing the warning signs may help protect yourself that will help avoid situations where domestic violence and abuse can arise. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Jealousy is not unusual. In fact it is a common and almost universal feeling throughout cultures and societies around the globe. But when jealousy becomes extreme and irrational, it may lead to domestic violence. Abusive people try to restrict their partner’s freedom and activities, may use threats, forcefulness, anger, and aggression to control their mates. People who are taunted by jealous feelings may drink or abuse drugs or both. There is a difference between rational jealousy and irrational jealousy. People tormented by jealous thoughts question every move, every aspect, every action their partner makes and nothing will ease their obsession. Men are twice as likely as women to suffer from irrational jealousy. Jealousy like this is harmful to the relationship and harmful to the well being of their partners and themselves.

Jealous partners are driven by fears of losing someone to a real or imagined rival and will react with such negative techniques that involve snooping, suspicions, accusations, control, aggression, threats and even abuse that leads to domestic violence. Jealousy is a major reason for divorce and a “leading cause of homicide” according to Hara Marano Estroff’s article in Psychologytoday.com “Love’s Destroyer”. According to psychologytoday.com, jealousy triggers parts of the brain in men that are related to “sexual aggressive behavior”. The part of the brain in women that is triggered has to do with emotional perceptions and “violation of social norms”. It has been noted in studies that when jealousy occurs in marriage the strain can destroy the satisfying aspects both physical and emotional in the relationship. Married couples, however have shown to have less jealous aspects in their relationship because of the higher commitment and trust level that are believed to exist in these relationships. This makes them less suspicious of each other, and give a more protective nature to married partners.

In looking at studies done on aggression and jealousy, it was found that women are more aggressive toward males, even though men are more likely to be abnormally jealous. Romantic jealousy often leads to aggression in marriage, more so than in other relationships. This may be because women desire to mate for longer periods than men. Women who are married to a man of higher social status are more likely to believe that their husband will cheat on in the future.

Frustration and low self esteem have been a major motivating factor that leads people to act aggressively towards their mate to harm them and commit domestic violence against their partner. When people cope with jealousy in positive ways to resolve the situation through communication and counseling, they are likely to gain more satisfaction in their relationship. As a couple’s relationship becomes deeper, the partner becomes more valued and the risk of losing this partner becomes greater. A greater investment in the relationship and a stronger commitment can create a situation where the person becomes more insecure and anxious. The potential for jealousy becomes greater and the cycle of anxiety and control to keep the valued relationship begins. This precipitates the possibility of domestic violence. * Domestic violence in a relationship usually increases in frequency and intensity. Domestic violence affects the women, and children, and the whole family. Domestic violence is better prevented than managed. It is important to recognize and avoid abusive relationships before things get worse. Be aware, Be smart, Be safe! We are all depending on you to take care of yourself and take proper precautions for your well being.

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